It's not about me

I now came to the point that I want to know myself better. Questions like. "Why am I here? What I am here for? What is the reason of me being here? Who am I really?

I thought of these things because I'm already feeling worthless. It's maybe because of the many disappointments and frustrations I am now having. And I also think I am trudging the wrong path.

I want to find myself. Know my self a little more. Find my purpose. Set my mind on track.

Day 1 of Purpose Driven life says that it's not about me. It's all about God and that everything emanates from Him. I will not find my purpose I only consider myself. I cannot answer anything I ask, only my Creator can do so.

IN SPITE OF ALL THE ADVERTISING AROUND ME, HOW CAN I REMIND MYSELF THAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT LIVING GOD, NOT FOR MYSELF?

I would be a hypocrite if I tell something I cannot do. I cannot change in an instant. I am not that spiritual, religious, or faithful. But I am of course trying to reach out and go back to Him.

I start to realize how wrong I am being self-centered and never putting God as the center of my life. Yes, I call for God, but I only do so when I am only in misery. Which is not good. I know it is wrong, but something inside also tells it's okay.

Then how will I change this mindset? For now, I don't know. Maybe pray that I will soon realize that everything is not about me, and realize that my very existence is for God, and that He has his own way of making me come back to Him. He knows very well what I am designed for.

Entrusting everything to Him might be the way. :)

Lost Dreams

What dreams have I forgotten?

Honestly speaking, I forgot. But if I were to devise the question into which dreams i once had, i may be able to answer.

I once dreamed to be an astronaut, a doctor or a scientist. I once had these lofty dreams when I was young because of my huge interest in science. I really thought I would tread this path until Biology, Chemistry and Physics came. My interest and my ability to cope up in these subjects deteriorated. I hated the subject, and I also hated the teachers. But nothing beats my hate for Math.

When I was a bit older, I decided to be an accountant because of my parents constant encouragement. I programmed my mind and set my path towards being an accountant for four years, until I got too engrossed in reading court room dramas and decided I want to be a lawyer.

I am now in the final years of my pre-law course, Political Science. And yet, I do not see myself as a lawyer. I've been too afraid to take risks and mistakes. I didn't want humiliation. I know, that I should get rid of this unhealthy attitude and mindset. Maybe what I need is a new environment to change, and new people to face.It seemed like running away, but I want to change, to be real, and learn standing up even when I fall many times.

My dream of being a lawyer is slowly fading. My future is uncertain.Will it completely be forgotten someday like my dream of being an astronaut, doctor and a scientist?

My ABNORMAL Study Habit

Most people may think, I study a lot. I'm often seen walking with books. In a tea shop with books. In school reading a book. In the classroom reading a book. But what most people do not know is that i do that because I cram. I don't like cramming but circumstances just do its way to make me cram in the end.

I always plan to study. I allocate time for studying. I always think I will study the whole weekend, or the whole day, or the whole afternoon or the whole evening. But I always end up cramming. Most of my classmates will say, "wow, you must have studied the whole weekend! You'll surely get a perfect score!"

I often say, "I wasn't able to!". And they will think I'm lying. . .

I have a few demands before I get immersed in studying. First, I should have a good sign pen with me. I will never start reading without a good sign pen. If I don't have one, I go out and buy a sign pen no matter how far the store will be. Next, I should have clean sheets of paper or a notebook with me. I usually write in order for me to remember what I read. My study materials should be complete, and i should drink coffee before I get started. Without these, i will just sit idly the whole day, or start reading without absorbing anything.

If you think I'll study peacefully after complying all my silly demands, well, NO. Once I start reading a page, I feel tired, and decide to have a break by checking my facebook or talking to someone in line. That will take about 30 minutes. So, I usually have a 30 minute break after one page of reading.

I try to keep my focus back on my material by sipping my coffee and sitting up straight. But somehow, i couldn't just maintain my focus. Sometimes, I end up repeating the same sentence five to ten times because i couldn't understand it. Worse is having to read the entire chapter because i didn't understand the whole thing, or I forgot the whole chapter. 

To keep my concentration back on, I try to go to the comfort room where I wouldn't have any distraction  and read an entire chapter in there. But I just couldn't last long in the CR. I always get my photocopies wet, and I get cramped in there. haha.

I also do not like studying with many people around me, because usually, I tend to start a conversation, or join whatever they are doing, or if I am feeling determined not to join them, I simply find them noisy, therefore impeding my concentration. That is why I like to go to other places to study alone. I go to coffee shops, tea shops, 24 hour food chains, and the living room of our boarding house. One thing why i like staying out during exams is because i don't want to be near the bed. Sleep has always been the most tempting temptation. I always get sleepy each time I see a bed. Whenever I'm determined to study and when I have no choice but to stay in my room, I always force my self not to lie down while reading or else, in a matter of seconds, the books will cover my face, and I will start snoring. 

Studying in my room is one of the hardest thing for me to do. My room is just the haven of all temptations. I see my roommates talking and laughing, I join them. When I see my phone, I just text someone, line someone or open facebook. When I see my laptop, the same is happening, I check my facebook, comment, and like on someone's status. Why do I have to do that during exams? Gosh. Sometimes, I also watch one episode of anime I'm watching, and always saying "just one more episode" until I finish the whole series.

If I happen to keep all my devices, I always have something to do whenever I'm in my room. There are times I would practice putting on make up, or dance in front of the mirror.

I just have so many temptations. Sometimes I have to do drastic measures to avoid it, like locking everything in someone's room. To take back my concentration to what I'm reading, sometimes I'd have to stand on top of a chair and read them out loud using different pronunciation and accent. I look stupid but this is how things get in my head.

Sometimes, I talk talk to myself but if talking to myself don't work, i talk to the dog in the living room, telling him he should remember and memorize these things.

I really don't know why it's simply too hard to get my concentration. If you think I've been studying the whole week, well, I'm really struggling to study and find my mood!!! What most likely happens is cramming.

I think some whose gonna read this has been a victim of my random texting and chatting.

Was I the only one suffering this? Should I call this an abnormality or is it common to teens?

LOL.

SALAMAT!!!

Getting sick, and being away from home is really hard. You have no relatives nearby, all you have is yourself. This is what I thought before. But somehow, actually getting sick proved me otherwise. I had so many friends willing who were willing to stay.

I have so many people i am really grateful for. When I was still in the hospital, when i was unable to fire up facebook because of the restraint caused by the IV, i told my self, first thing i would do is to thank people. I cannot express when speaking, but i speak through writing. So let me do this here.

Josella Grace Christelle Arriola, i didn't know how i got to invite you to go to church, but somehow i thank God for that because if you were not with me, i didn't know what could've happened. Thank you for being with me that time, for lending me your hanky when i threw up. Sorry for that, i will buy you a new one.

sa mga nagbalantay sa akon sa hospital:


Faye Spring Travilla, ate, thanks for coming right away when i called you. Thanks for processing my admission in the hospital, thanks for baby sitting, for the reminders, looking for blood donors, and for constantly checking up on me despite your very busy schedule.

Charizza Mariebelle Cerveza, thanks for also staying with me in the hospital, buying the doctor's prescription, bringing my clothes and stuff. Thanks a lot!

Gen Cabale, Hersie Bunda, you were the most unexpected visitor i had. :) (you know what i mean) but you didn't just visit me, you spent the night in that freezing CB 307. I am so sorry you had to freeze. haha. but really. Thanks for making one night of my hospital days lively. Thank u so much for the company, the concern and the care.

Meglyka Dionela, thanks for also spending the night w/ me, hersie, and gen. and of course thank you for feeding me when i was unable to feed myself because of my swelling left hand and IV on the right. :)

Sharmaine Herbo Montaña, will i be the first patient nga ginbantayan mo nga wala na deads? ahaha. thanks for keeping me accompanied and of course spoon feeding me. :)

Jessa Apiado, thanks for the company, for feeding me, and for the willingness to donate blood. Sige lang, wrong timing gid abi ah. haha. Ikaw gid tani kadugo ko kung naka donate ka.

Ma Jorelie Mae Mendez, jm! salamat gid sa pag bantay, sa pagdala sang clothes and other stuff.

Star and Sky. Sayang wala si Ae. kung ara tani, na reunite ang room 1 sa CB 307. Thanks for being there. Room 1! Self proclaimed room 1.

Juanito, my bestfriend kuno hambal ya. Thanks for being a real bestfriend. I know you are trying to pay back some of your shortcomings, but despite that i really appreciate the fact that you were there each time i need someone. You were willing to skip class (or you just don't like class, jk).  I'm sorry i doubted your sincerity at first, but as you spent more time to take care of me, you proved me it was genuine. I know someone will give you incentive, so don't worry because Im gonna send that someone a time stamp. Send my thanks to your mom for checking up on me. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot! (but this doesn't mean i'm gonna be less strict on our thesis. Now, get to work!)

Faith, when I first fainted you were with me. I know you knew I've had this condition ever since. I'm sorry i didn't inform you right away. Thanks for staying with me and taking care of me. You've been the most comfortable baby sitter i had, maybe because we knew each other for almost 8 years already plus the fact that we were ex-roommates for 1 year. Thank you gid Faith!

Mariel, you may be the last one to know in our room about me being admitted to the hospital but you had the most difficult job of all. Helping me transfer rooms, sleeping in a less comfortable room than my previous one, and most of all processing my papers, and rushing back and forth the bank to withdraw cash. Thank you so much!

Maybelle, this was the extension of your slavery! lols. thanks a lot Maybs, though I am not your master anymore, you still treated me like your master and you were there willing to take care of me.

Danielle, thank you for also helping me process my discharge. Sorry you had to print your RF again in order to get money for my hospital bill, also thanks for bringing some of my stuff back home.

Jove, Thanks for the pizza. haha. thanks for constantly visiting me, and watching over me. Feeling ko gani mas classmate ta pa ka. haha. Salamat gid. You will be rewarded of your kindness. Tani taas grade mo sa pol sci subject mo. If there's anything you need, ate Kikay is just one call, one text or one jeep apart.

Princess, thanks for staying with me from morning till late evening. You weren't able to bring me milk tea but its okay! :) You stayed with me the longest, without sleep while i sleep. It was too much to ask you to spend the night. Thanks gid ces! mwah!

Juvy, Franz, Tats. Thanks for keeping me company. And i hope i did a great job watching over you while you sleep, and providing space for your construction of miniature paper Charizard! haha. I hope Charizard will be Charizard soon!

To my friends, litol, jeremy, juanito, rr, nong job, geric, edmund. thanks for ur constant visits, for always making my afternoons lively, making me laugh like i didn't miss a thing in school, for making me leave my bed  to make way because you want to sleep instead.  (If i was in a ward, will you stilll visit me?) lol

To Lara, April, Jessa, Rhobin, Krystyl. Thanks for your willingness to donate blood.

Lara, you should've brought your I.d.

April, sayang. Wala blood, so we needed AB.

Jessa, sayang man! budlay kung babae!

Rhobin, my deepest thanks to you. The reason why i got my blood back to (almost) normal was because of your blood. Salamat gid!!! Though you never showed up, you showed you also care by donating blood. You  are the greatest help. Thanks for putting me on priority. I know someone offered you 1k to donate blood. salamat rhob!

My kambal, Yvonne. Thank you for spearheading the blood donation. Thank you for processing. You have my deepest gratitude. Love u kambal!

Ang mga bestfriend namon nga prof! Sir Jacs, Sir Reymund, Maam Rose.
Thanks for the visits, the concern, sa help regarding my blood and the updates sa school happenings. haha

Sir Jacs, thank you for your constant visits. Thanks for the concern. Kung wala na gid, ikaw gid to tani ma donate ba! hahaha.

Sir Reymund, thank you sa bilin nga bihon sa orientation. hahahaha. nakatilaw man ko. kag sa pag check sang dugo ko sa lab. bisita lang kamo tani pro nasuguan pa kamo. haha. pacensya.

Maam Rose, bal an ko nag upod2 ka lang. hahahah. joke lang Maam!!! thank you sa pag bisita!

To PPYs ate crissy, kuya alvin, kuya Jay r, Justine, Jm, kuya karl, ate madam nicole (lalo ka na Madam!), ate faye ( isasali pa ba kita dito? PPY ka din kasi hahaha) for always cheering me up w/ ur posts, comments, texts.

Some AYERA friends who extended their concern. Ninok!!!, Liyean, Muiii, Febri, Mouliza, Aga, , Diva, Punzrain, Penn (Thanks for the Tao ke noi na ka! i'm so excited to eat it na)

To my classmates who cared, and visited me, giselle, victoria, andrea, andrew, juvy, kim, bem2, Reyna, Sharmaine B., Jelai (thanks gid nay! bisan wala ka nag dugay gid. bal an ko man kinanglan mo mag puli hehe).

to 2nd year and first year polsci, Ivy, Mark, Dinese, Kaizer, kg iban, (sorry di ko ma remember ang name T.T. Don't worry i recognize you) that was a healthy discussion. Thanks for keeping me accompanied. mayo nalang tapos na ko blood transfusion pagkadto nio, kundi, digwa2 gid kamo tani while eating ice cream.

quincey! thank you ga. gin buking mo pa ko nga ga facebook. haha. pero thanksss

Pat, bisan ikaw may sakit man, thanks gid sa pag bisita. Thanks man kay nag offer ka matulog. I appreciate it. :)

To my cousin, jepoi. Thanks for checking up on me and always offering a helping hand.
To my Lola Ditdit, for supervising me get through this smoothly.

My parents, for the support and prayers from afar. I know how much they wanted to fly right away, but there was no need naman abi. It'll be a lot expensive and i don't want you to spend more. That's why I never tried to be weak during my whole hospital stay.

My friends who extended their worries and concern, honey, jhed, keveyn.

My other relatives who extended their help and concern in any way possible. I'm sorry for the great bother, this will never happened again. especially Ante ging2, uncle matoy, lola myrna, uncle totot.

Im am sorry if i missed to mention everyone.

But the one I will never forget to thank is God, who gave me these people around me. I am forever thankful to Him that my condition is not that worse.

I am truly indebted to everyone. I don't know how to sincerely thank everyone in person. I might cry, and i don't like that. So it's better to write everything down, that way, i feel better. I also don't know how to repay everyone, if i only could. All i can do is to thank you, and offer my help when you need me (as long as there is no conflict of interest) lol joke lang. kung sin o man da ma hospital, i hope there is no one, or in any way you need my help, i will be there. :)

Salamat gid, daghang salamat, maraming salamat, arigatogozaimasu, khob khun mak mak ka, danke, merci, muchas gracias, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Meet my Dad

My facebook timeline is flooded with pictures of everyone's father with messages of love and gratitude. I am not sweet towards my family but somehow I envy them. Somewhere deep inside also wanted to post something about my dad. I tried looking for pictures but i know we didn't have a picture together. I have pictures of his trip to Japan, but then I thought it would be unfair to post something because i didn't do anything special during Mothers' day. So, i thought my mother would get jealous. haha. So, I'd better do it in my blog - a more discreet approach.

This is my father, Jethel Kapunan or Dodoy. We call him Papang for short "Pang", not tatay, papa, dad, or daddy. My cousins call him Daddy, but not us. haha. He is a very strict Dad, generous to others but stingy to his family. But somehow i adore his generosity. He gives a lot especially to those who need it. We also get things, but sometimes i need to justify why I need a certain material.

He taught us how to be contented with simple life. A small house, inexpensive clothes, homecooked meals, and organic food. He is very stingy with material things but not with food. We always have good food. He always say, we don't need a high standard of living. We will always be simple. Though sometimes, i really would like to disagree. Not that I wanted living rich, but because I want to go out, expand, and not to remain stagnant. It is a good thing to be simple but sometimes, it is also good to grow and improve. Aim high!

Sometimes, my dad and i differ on ideologies, and with that, we argue. I got so many qualities from him. Some say, I exactly look like him or that i am his carbon-copy or a female version of Jethel. We are both really lazy in household chores but diligent in workplace/school. He taught me how to travel fearlessly and independently that is why i now got his "cowboy" style in terms of travelling. I can now basically go anywhere i want.

There are lots of things to say, about my father. And if i say everything, it will eventually take up your time. But I want you to be aware that i am so proud of my father - reliable, responsible, hardworking and generous (to others only).

P.S. To Papang: I may not be the best daughter, I may not reach your benchmark of expectation, I may give you a couple of headaches especially sakit sa bulsa but i assure you, everything i do is for you, Mamang, Mimi and Che Che. Someday i will repay your efforts and you will never have headaches and sighs anymore. 

And finally, Happy Fathers' Day!

Happy Fathers day to all fathers out there!

ASEAN Youth Exchange Program 2013

When they ask me, "how was Thailand?" I always answer, "It was very hot." I respond that short because I really don't wanna waste people's time. Seriously, nobody actually wants to listen. It's just for social interaction's sake. But deep inside, I wanted to say so many things about what happened. So if anyone wants to genuinely ask me how-was-Thailand, please prepare a chair, a hot coffee or tea, and listen to me ramble aimlessly without giving you the chance to talk. :)

ASEAN Youth Exchange Program was my first international exposure. I wasn't really interested in things like this before, and I didn't even know that things like this exist. hahaha

To give everyone an idea with what actually happened in this program, we had get together activities, ASEAN lectures, workshops, discussion groups and excursions to Chulalongkorn University, Siam Museum, Ayutthaya, and Arts of the Kingdom and Anantha Samakhom Throne Hall. Aside from programmed events, we also strolled and shopped at the Train market, night market at Siam Square, Siam Paragon, Terminal 21, MBK. Some went to Chatuchak and Pratunam, but i wasn't able to. Some also went to Patpong!!! I should've gone there too. I missed 1/4 of real Thailand experience. haha

Ever since I flew back and now trying to put myself back together and start my normal life, I've been missing everyone. I can even remember people's voice, and each time i read comments on facebook, I can actually hear them talking. I hope it remains this way, because I really don't want to forget.

I can also hear EDDY's voice saying:
PYs Two claps . . .
Track 1 up to track 7. . .
Give me your five. . .
My heart goes shalalala!
Tudududut!
4 powers
If your happy and you know it clap your hands!
and of course the song, Brunei and Cambodia, Indonesia and Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar. Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam.

I can also hear BINT and TOP (my teacher) singing Jaow ma jaow jam juk nam ning lai luk nuk tung kon jaow! (spelling credits to JARK and PANG)

and Thai's chicken dance, Kai yang took pao ... Kai yang took pao ... Man ja took mai siep ... Man ja took mai siep ... Siep tood sai ... Siep tood khaw ... Ron jing jing ... Ron jing jing ... Ron jing jing. (credits to PANG)

There are also some moments I will forever remember. :)
Like . . .

Sleeping at Suvarnabhumi Airport
(I was in sitting position while sleeping beside Alvin)

Get-to-know activities
 (I was shortest. So that's me being interviewed how does it feel to be cutest. :p)

Tours
Campus Tour - Chulalongkorn University

Wat Pho

Ayutthaya

Floating Market

Arts of the Kingdom and Ananta Samakhom Throne Hall

Side Trips
Terminal 21

At the subway station: Off to Train Market

Cheers and Yells
(Just look how we brought it ON! Funny faces.)

Lectures

Sleeping on Lectures

Workshops - Media and Photography
(I have a funny face here. haha)

Workshop Field work
w/ Group 3 :)

Discussion Groups - Reproductive Health
(We all looked so happy with our inflated condoms. haha)

Games

The fooood :)

Sunshine :)
Though my sunshine never revealed him/herself

Pretending to be a Chula student

ASEAN Cultural Night

Team Philippines

Dancing Binasuan with Jero

Click here to watch the whole video of the Cultural Presentation

And of course, Have fun

Be crazy

And make Philippines proud. hahaha

Even if I tell every bits and pieces of what happened and bore you to death for reading this post, no exact words can really describe how everyone bonded in this program. I also don't want to share everything, because it's something only the AYERA delegates have in common.

 (Seriously, I'm just too lazy to write every single thing).

AYERA delegates

Team Philippines w/ LOs Penn, James and Mui.

Photo credits to:
June W. Tri-yasakda
Faye Travilla
Alvin Faminial
Karl Abalajon
Jero Aligora

Our One and Only OYA

A baby girl was born at dusk in the white walls of the Provincial Hospital of Sultan Kudarat on April 4, 1994.This baby girl has grown into a bubbly little girl who always loved to dance even at such a young age and was loved by everyone due to her in-born charismatic nature. She started challenging up the world at Kalawag Central Elementary School and met new friends who became part of her life until this very moment. This girl was extremely beautiful, exceptionally talented, charismatic, smart and athletic that she had gained prestige and fame not only within her family but also to other circles of the community she belongs. Her intellect has flourished even when she was in kindergarten and graduated salutatorian.

Her elementary years were a continuation at the same time a place for her growth in many aspects that she’s at her best. She was a charismatic leader that she has always been the 1^st elected Kagawad from whence she started her campus political career until she graduated and later on received a leadership award on graduation. She was also a consistent honor student which was a proof that she has never gone astray out of her family’s legacy. She has also gone after her athletic brother who was exceedingly skilful in badminton. She learned, played and won badminton tournaments herself, and was pronounced an athlete of the year. Among other things, her beauty and talent exceeds others, that she has been the Mother lyre of the Kalawag Central Elementary school drum and lyre corps.

Her high school life, which is commonly titled as the happiest part of a student life was a mixture of memoirs of academic, extracurricular, friendship, and of course teen love. Her high school life gave her ample time and space to grow further and excel on things she’s particularly good at. She was the PEHM Club president and Captain of the Technic Squad, an active athlete and brought honor and prestige as she led her team in victory and won tournaments. Her beauty was even more astounding and stunning that she was the Hera of the Night or Lady of the Night during their JS Promenade.

Currently, this girl is an AB Communication Arts freshman at a prestigious and recognized University throughout the Philippine archipelago, University of Sto. Tomas. Her athletic skill never failed her as she is a varsity scholar of UST, and is also planning for admission in UST’s dance troupe, Salingawi.

How fast time flies. Once, she was a snotty little girl, missing a few front teeth, running around in her diapers in this very backyard; a cry-baby, and a bit spoiled being the youngest and the only girl. Now, she has grown into such a young, beautiful fine woman, geared up and straight faced to meet the challenges the world can offer at this new phase of her life.

Oya at 18

Shit Happens

Some say its best to count our blessings than our misfortunes. Some say that good things come out of bad things. Even my favorite church song says they are blessings in disguise. But sometimes things go way out of hand, some are too much, some are petty yet gets on someone's nerves. There was one whole week (even a week after that) that i suffered to many misfortunes, and where I concluded, I, Katherine Rose Kapunan, born on the year of the rooster was the unluckiest person in the world. haha.

Guimaras/Odyssey misfortunes

1. During shooting our movie Odyssey, i had my menstruation. So, i am limited to shooting scenes that doesn't involve immersing myself in water which makes it frustrating to see some other people holding your camera and not shoot the way you want it to be. :(

2. While shooting a scene, which took so long before the actors got it right, i got wet because the water rises as i move into its depths to shoot a better angle. As the waves thrash. . . oh well, you should know why i don't want to get wet. It's not the nicest feeling you know.

3. Our 2 days stay at Guimaras Island to shoot the movie wasn't really productive. To start with, we were late, and the making of props took so long, the impulse to enjoy was too strong, and someone was just making the shooting duration so long. Simple as that.

4. While I was so upset because we were so unproductive on the first day, and some other matters i would not like to mention, I sat on the shore, reflected and wrote something on my laptop. I didn't plan to eat, but my best friend might have notices i wasn't there so he brought me food. By the time the wind got too strong, i  decided to leave. I ran tightly hugging my laptop, but because it was dark and i can't see where i'm stepping, i didn't see the elevated sand, and stumbled. Face down. Whole body. Nothing supported me. So my laptop ate all the sand it could take. When I stood up, I also wiped my face, and my laptop. haha. Three men saw me and it was so embarrassing!

5. While also shooting a scene, the waves were to strong, and i was standing against rocks. So the camera, gets droplets of water plus sand. >.<

DFA: Processing of Passport/JENESYS application

(We were catching a 5 o'clock deadline so these misfortunes were delays.)

6. My NSO birth certificate was still at LBC Jaro, so i had to get it, while processing. It took up most of my time.

7. I was scolded countless times at DFA due to delay.

8. After processing at DFA, i took my studio picture at Gaisano, but well, of all times, why was i closing my eyes in that freaking picture? So i had to take another picture.

9. I had to fill up the application in pen, because my classmate says it should be, scanned my documents because that same classmate didn't follow what we've agreed earlier, and scanned just HIS documents and left ours. We later discovered that we can submit the application type-written and that classmate passed ahead of us. Oh well, what do you expect, we didn't catch the deadline, so did he. (hmmmwaahhha)

School. Just school

10. I wasn't able to study for the long test in World Literature because i wasn't able to wake up early. I just didn't hear my alarm clock.

11. The most devastating incident of all. Our video clips was corrupted. Yes. CORRUPTED. I dare not mention the details. It hurts.

12. Props made of bamboo fell right on top of my head. Gosh, of all places. Why my head?

13. I had to edit the movie all by myself ( rr helped a bit. Just a bit.) and wasn't able to study for my exams on weekends

14. I did not enjoy the shooting because i was too stressed catching up deadlines.

15. There was a time, i plainly didn't have any money. Like today.

16. I wanted to move in the newly constructed boarding house next door, but because i was advertising too much, they ran out of single rooms. Wow, so much advertising, they should have paid me.

18. My classmates borrowed my handbook on local governance to photocopy it, but the photocopier closed  before they were able to get it back, so i was left with nothing to study on, and reasons why i bought the book sank in, pushed tears out of my eyes, and smoke out of my ears and nose and mouth. haha.

19. While i was thrashing and wrecking my room because of anger, my pencil skirt ripped, but it made me stop thrashing.

20. I studied hard to the extent that if-only-brain-could-throw-up-it-would-have. But for goodness sake, why did i think the exam was scheduled 9:30 instead of 9:00? There, there, so I was 40 minutes late. How's that?

21. While making a caricature of my answers, oh, while i was writing with all the speed my hand and my brain could offer, i ran out of ink, so i had to snatch a pen on the teacher's table. By the way, i had to beg for an extension to my professor so i had to chase him while writing, wasting NO TIME at all. Haha. I found out it was better to write on a desk. The floor would also do.

22. Because i was studying on coffee shops, i drink coffee every night. Result? Tonsillitis. So i had slight fever on the day of IRO exam.

There are a lot more, but i wasn't able to list them down. And I eventually forgot. This would be the last time, me counting misfortunes, coz i'm gonna list down my blessings next. :D

Hail Ye My Generation

It's March. It's graduation time. I saw this post on facebook, actually it's my Professor's. It really caught my eye because of it's philosophical nature because of the parlance used. As you know, I've had EEEEENNNNNOOOOUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH of political theory. So things like this knocks like no one in my memory and intellect. chos. kunu abi.

To all graduating students,
 Hail ye my generation!

Born thinkers of freedom.

In the fast changing pace of society;

We dare to achieve equality,

In voice, position and quest for liberty,

To achieve a balance and participative community.

Hail ye my generation!

Born activists.

Managed to cross the borders of societal limits;

Criticized by moralists.

We believed into rational actions,

Better than hypocrites.

Hail ye my generation!

Born to rational decisions.

We hate to follow unreasonable justifications;

Much more, those having instant decisions.

We love courage to do beyond the usual things,

Others do not, therefore, we're daring.

Hail ye my generation!

Born bold and wild.

We raise our middle fingers

..to those pretenders of righteousness;

..to believers of ungrounded ethics;

..to faithfuls of unfounded beliefs.

(copyright 2010|Reymund B. Flores. No part of this literary work may be distributed without the author's consent.)

Tomodachi

I have so many things in mind.
I have so many things I want to write about.
I have so many things to do.
I have so many things I want to do.

But since blogging my thoughts is a great reliever, I'm gonna write about a thing that bothers me at the moment.

Each one of us needs a friend. In fact, we always have that one friend we're most comfortable, and we call them our best friend. Best friends could either be a guy or a girl. It doesn't really matter. But for generalization's sake, let's use "He" as a pronoun.

If we go back to my younger younger years, i would probably define best friend as that certain someone who's always at your side, physically or emotionally, knows most of your inner feelings, your secrets, your likes, your desires, your mannerisms, your attitude, the size of your clothes, your shoes, your favorite book, the number of your split ends - oh, that was over the top, but the point is, he knows the whole you. But I realized as I mature, best friends doesn't necessarily have to be at your side, as long as he's someone who you could run to, that someone who understands you, that someone who you feel most comfortable with, do crazy things and even express your anger, and throw a tantrum in front of him. That person who always understands, I call him my best friend.

I don't need to know every single thing he does and he doesn't necessarily have to know what I always do. If you call this weird, and stick to that traditional meaning of bestfriend, well that's fine. But I am the kind of person who thinks it's good to keep things for myself. What's the point of keeping secrets, if someone reads it out of your mind anyway? Some overly attached bestfriends are psychics. haha. But it's still a good thing having someone understand you even when you don't say a word.

Enough of defining friendship. . .

I am the kind of person who doesn't hold grudges. I can't even last having a cold war for a few days with some friends. Just cheer me up and I will definitely smile back as if nothing happened. I take friendships seriously, that it even bothers me at night having a fight with someone. I say it casually as if i don't care but deep in side it hurts. I am the kind of person who likes to keep my feelings under my sleeve. I laugh as if nothing bothers me and I keep quiet when I can't bear it any longer or when I feel sooooo guilty with my wrongdoings against that person.

But what if you've done nothing wrong? Or you didn't know you've done something wrong? Will he not at least give you an answer? You know, the rudest thing I could ever imagine is talking to someone gaily then act as if your presence bears no meaning at all - as if you don't exist. When I get mad at someone, i don't entirely ignore them. When he asks, I give an answer as cold as ice, but I respond at least. When I ignore someone who persistently asks, it doesn't mean i'm mad. Certain circumstances just give me no time to answer, or I am currently talking to somebody. I can't give attention to both persons!


When someone treats me like shit, as shit as that shit, well I'll treat you like shit too.
As water does, people has boiling points too.
As high as mountains, people have pride too.
As pens lose ink, people lose patience too.
And as I sign off, something might sign off too.

I knocked, but the door was closed. The owner seems to be away, or pretends to be away.

*I am really sorry about the dogs, I just find them too cute. haha
credits to the owner of these photos.

GAYWHORE FAMEWHORE

You know Bitch. . . (Oh no. Sorry, you don't even deserve to be called a bitch 'coz you're not a real girl! In you're freaking dreams).

Let me start over. A more diplomatic approach with a seasoning of pity on you.

I really thought you were smart, but with your recent acts, you proved me wrong. If you've only known two sides, weighed on which contentions has more merit, and reacted on what is right, we could have understood you. You don't just react on something unknown to you. You reacted impulsively, and you said harsh things, you even generalized. That's where I find you at fault.

You don't even know what you are saying. You acted as if your SO freaking smart and we are so stupid with what we've done. In fact, you are stupid, we only fought for what is right. That's what you don't understand. which made you damn stupid.

We didn't do this because we wanted to prove something. We did it because we don't want to tolerate a crooked system that will govern us all. We wanted students to know, we want them to feel that they we're actually oppressed. We want them to realize that this has to stop. We do not want students to be as ignorant as you are. And what is wrong with that? Is it wrong because your narrow mind cannot accept a deviation from the status quo? Then you are a tolerant, ignorant and too conservative narrow minded bastard!

We did the right thing in a right way. If what we did was just making a scene, why don't you go to school, so we could make a true scene? Let's see if your skin doesn't peel off when we drag you all over the rough roads of WVSU.

Remember that you started this. We didn't post anything on social networking sites because we do things legally. We complained through petitions, and disseminated information through flyers when our petition was denied. It was part of the democratic process, and there was definitely nothing wrong with that. You alleged that we made a scene, and even branded us FAMEWHORES. What was unforgivable was calling all Pol.sci Students having NO ETHICS AND VALUES. Well, manong. Look at that. With you posting harsh words towards us, how dare you say that to us as if you have ethics and values. For me, your move, your contention, your reasons, your posts, your reaction, your words were all STUPID GAY ACTS. Nang daw pang waiting shed bala!

Because we cannot bear your harsh posts, and you turning the story round and about any longer, we accepted your challenge to meet us at school. We also wanted to explain to you our side, and grant you salvation from ignorance, but you turned back with your tail between your legs. That's how I look at it, Coward! Kaisog sa imo magpost2, di ka man gali ka atubang sa amon. And now, because you're so freaking scared you, post back stabs on twitter. Wow.

If you're so sure about what you said, you wouldn't be afraid facing all of us.

We were trying our best not to reply, to comment or to post anything about you because we don't want to step down on your level, there at the grass roots. This is why, i'm posting it here, not because I'm scared but because I don't want to step down and be a loser like you. You want this kind of fight right? I know this is where you're really good at. MANG-OKRAY. AGI ka nga daan. So, though i don't know how to okray properly, I think this is it.

I just wanted to express how much I wanted to stab you and cut your tongue and fingers right now.
Since, I've said something but not yet everything, I sign off to this issue and move on and study for my finals.

A Glimpse of Vigan

I'm too tired to put captions on each photo, so here's Vigan. A lot of pictures are in here, coz it's better to view them here than at facebook. Enjoy!