Lost Dreams

What dreams have I forgotten?

Honestly speaking, I forgot. But if I were to devise the question into which dreams i once had, i may be able to answer.

I once dreamed to be an astronaut, a doctor or a scientist. I once had these lofty dreams when I was young because of my huge interest in science. I really thought I would tread this path until Biology, Chemistry and Physics came. My interest and my ability to cope up in these subjects deteriorated. I hated the subject, and I also hated the teachers. But nothing beats my hate for Math.

When I was a bit older, I decided to be an accountant because of my parents constant encouragement. I programmed my mind and set my path towards being an accountant for four years, until I got too engrossed in reading court room dramas and decided I want to be a lawyer.

I am now in the final years of my pre-law course, Political Science. And yet, I do not see myself as a lawyer. I've been too afraid to take risks and mistakes. I didn't want humiliation. I know, that I should get rid of this unhealthy attitude and mindset. Maybe what I need is a new environment to change, and new people to face.It seemed like running away, but I want to change, to be real, and learn standing up even when I fall many times.

My dream of being a lawyer is slowly fading. My future is uncertain.Will it completely be forgotten someday like my dream of being an astronaut, doctor and a scientist?

My ABNORMAL Study Habit

Most people may think, I study a lot. I'm often seen walking with books. In a tea shop with books. In school reading a book. In the classroom reading a book. But what most people do not know is that i do that because I cram. I don't like cramming but circumstances just do its way to make me cram in the end.

I always plan to study. I allocate time for studying. I always think I will study the whole weekend, or the whole day, or the whole afternoon or the whole evening. But I always end up cramming. Most of my classmates will say, "wow, you must have studied the whole weekend! You'll surely get a perfect score!"

I often say, "I wasn't able to!". And they will think I'm lying. . .

I have a few demands before I get immersed in studying. First, I should have a good sign pen with me. I will never start reading without a good sign pen. If I don't have one, I go out and buy a sign pen no matter how far the store will be. Next, I should have clean sheets of paper or a notebook with me. I usually write in order for me to remember what I read. My study materials should be complete, and i should drink coffee before I get started. Without these, i will just sit idly the whole day, or start reading without absorbing anything.

If you think I'll study peacefully after complying all my silly demands, well, NO. Once I start reading a page, I feel tired, and decide to have a break by checking my facebook or talking to someone in line. That will take about 30 minutes. So, I usually have a 30 minute break after one page of reading.

I try to keep my focus back on my material by sipping my coffee and sitting up straight. But somehow, i couldn't just maintain my focus. Sometimes, I end up repeating the same sentence five to ten times because i couldn't understand it. Worse is having to read the entire chapter because i didn't understand the whole thing, or I forgot the whole chapter. 

To keep my concentration back on, I try to go to the comfort room where I wouldn't have any distraction  and read an entire chapter in there. But I just couldn't last long in the CR. I always get my photocopies wet, and I get cramped in there. haha.

I also do not like studying with many people around me, because usually, I tend to start a conversation, or join whatever they are doing, or if I am feeling determined not to join them, I simply find them noisy, therefore impeding my concentration. That is why I like to go to other places to study alone. I go to coffee shops, tea shops, 24 hour food chains, and the living room of our boarding house. One thing why i like staying out during exams is because i don't want to be near the bed. Sleep has always been the most tempting temptation. I always get sleepy each time I see a bed. Whenever I'm determined to study and when I have no choice but to stay in my room, I always force my self not to lie down while reading or else, in a matter of seconds, the books will cover my face, and I will start snoring. 

Studying in my room is one of the hardest thing for me to do. My room is just the haven of all temptations. I see my roommates talking and laughing, I join them. When I see my phone, I just text someone, line someone or open facebook. When I see my laptop, the same is happening, I check my facebook, comment, and like on someone's status. Why do I have to do that during exams? Gosh. Sometimes, I also watch one episode of anime I'm watching, and always saying "just one more episode" until I finish the whole series.

If I happen to keep all my devices, I always have something to do whenever I'm in my room. There are times I would practice putting on make up, or dance in front of the mirror.

I just have so many temptations. Sometimes I have to do drastic measures to avoid it, like locking everything in someone's room. To take back my concentration to what I'm reading, sometimes I'd have to stand on top of a chair and read them out loud using different pronunciation and accent. I look stupid but this is how things get in my head.

Sometimes, I talk talk to myself but if talking to myself don't work, i talk to the dog in the living room, telling him he should remember and memorize these things.

I really don't know why it's simply too hard to get my concentration. If you think I've been studying the whole week, well, I'm really struggling to study and find my mood!!! What most likely happens is cramming.

I think some whose gonna read this has been a victim of my random texting and chatting.

Was I the only one suffering this? Should I call this an abnormality or is it common to teens?

LOL.

SALAMAT!!!

Getting sick, and being away from home is really hard. You have no relatives nearby, all you have is yourself. This is what I thought before. But somehow, actually getting sick proved me otherwise. I had so many friends willing who were willing to stay.

I have so many people i am really grateful for. When I was still in the hospital, when i was unable to fire up facebook because of the restraint caused by the IV, i told my self, first thing i would do is to thank people. I cannot express when speaking, but i speak through writing. So let me do this here.

Josella Grace Christelle Arriola, i didn't know how i got to invite you to go to church, but somehow i thank God for that because if you were not with me, i didn't know what could've happened. Thank you for being with me that time, for lending me your hanky when i threw up. Sorry for that, i will buy you a new one.

sa mga nagbalantay sa akon sa hospital:


Faye Spring Travilla, ate, thanks for coming right away when i called you. Thanks for processing my admission in the hospital, thanks for baby sitting, for the reminders, looking for blood donors, and for constantly checking up on me despite your very busy schedule.

Charizza Mariebelle Cerveza, thanks for also staying with me in the hospital, buying the doctor's prescription, bringing my clothes and stuff. Thanks a lot!

Gen Cabale, Hersie Bunda, you were the most unexpected visitor i had. :) (you know what i mean) but you didn't just visit me, you spent the night in that freezing CB 307. I am so sorry you had to freeze. haha. but really. Thanks for making one night of my hospital days lively. Thank u so much for the company, the concern and the care.

Meglyka Dionela, thanks for also spending the night w/ me, hersie, and gen. and of course thank you for feeding me when i was unable to feed myself because of my swelling left hand and IV on the right. :)

Sharmaine Herbo Montaña, will i be the first patient nga ginbantayan mo nga wala na deads? ahaha. thanks for keeping me accompanied and of course spoon feeding me. :)

Jessa Apiado, thanks for the company, for feeding me, and for the willingness to donate blood. Sige lang, wrong timing gid abi ah. haha. Ikaw gid tani kadugo ko kung naka donate ka.

Ma Jorelie Mae Mendez, jm! salamat gid sa pag bantay, sa pagdala sang clothes and other stuff.

Star and Sky. Sayang wala si Ae. kung ara tani, na reunite ang room 1 sa CB 307. Thanks for being there. Room 1! Self proclaimed room 1.

Juanito, my bestfriend kuno hambal ya. Thanks for being a real bestfriend. I know you are trying to pay back some of your shortcomings, but despite that i really appreciate the fact that you were there each time i need someone. You were willing to skip class (or you just don't like class, jk).  I'm sorry i doubted your sincerity at first, but as you spent more time to take care of me, you proved me it was genuine. I know someone will give you incentive, so don't worry because Im gonna send that someone a time stamp. Send my thanks to your mom for checking up on me. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot! (but this doesn't mean i'm gonna be less strict on our thesis. Now, get to work!)

Faith, when I first fainted you were with me. I know you knew I've had this condition ever since. I'm sorry i didn't inform you right away. Thanks for staying with me and taking care of me. You've been the most comfortable baby sitter i had, maybe because we knew each other for almost 8 years already plus the fact that we were ex-roommates for 1 year. Thank you gid Faith!

Mariel, you may be the last one to know in our room about me being admitted to the hospital but you had the most difficult job of all. Helping me transfer rooms, sleeping in a less comfortable room than my previous one, and most of all processing my papers, and rushing back and forth the bank to withdraw cash. Thank you so much!

Maybelle, this was the extension of your slavery! lols. thanks a lot Maybs, though I am not your master anymore, you still treated me like your master and you were there willing to take care of me.

Danielle, thank you for also helping me process my discharge. Sorry you had to print your RF again in order to get money for my hospital bill, also thanks for bringing some of my stuff back home.

Jove, Thanks for the pizza. haha. thanks for constantly visiting me, and watching over me. Feeling ko gani mas classmate ta pa ka. haha. Salamat gid. You will be rewarded of your kindness. Tani taas grade mo sa pol sci subject mo. If there's anything you need, ate Kikay is just one call, one text or one jeep apart.

Princess, thanks for staying with me from morning till late evening. You weren't able to bring me milk tea but its okay! :) You stayed with me the longest, without sleep while i sleep. It was too much to ask you to spend the night. Thanks gid ces! mwah!

Juvy, Franz, Tats. Thanks for keeping me company. And i hope i did a great job watching over you while you sleep, and providing space for your construction of miniature paper Charizard! haha. I hope Charizard will be Charizard soon!

To my friends, litol, jeremy, juanito, rr, nong job, geric, edmund. thanks for ur constant visits, for always making my afternoons lively, making me laugh like i didn't miss a thing in school, for making me leave my bed  to make way because you want to sleep instead.  (If i was in a ward, will you stilll visit me?) lol

To Lara, April, Jessa, Rhobin, Krystyl. Thanks for your willingness to donate blood.

Lara, you should've brought your I.d.

April, sayang. Wala blood, so we needed AB.

Jessa, sayang man! budlay kung babae!

Rhobin, my deepest thanks to you. The reason why i got my blood back to (almost) normal was because of your blood. Salamat gid!!! Though you never showed up, you showed you also care by donating blood. You  are the greatest help. Thanks for putting me on priority. I know someone offered you 1k to donate blood. salamat rhob!

My kambal, Yvonne. Thank you for spearheading the blood donation. Thank you for processing. You have my deepest gratitude. Love u kambal!

Ang mga bestfriend namon nga prof! Sir Jacs, Sir Reymund, Maam Rose.
Thanks for the visits, the concern, sa help regarding my blood and the updates sa school happenings. haha

Sir Jacs, thank you for your constant visits. Thanks for the concern. Kung wala na gid, ikaw gid to tani ma donate ba! hahaha.

Sir Reymund, thank you sa bilin nga bihon sa orientation. hahahaha. nakatilaw man ko. kag sa pag check sang dugo ko sa lab. bisita lang kamo tani pro nasuguan pa kamo. haha. pacensya.

Maam Rose, bal an ko nag upod2 ka lang. hahahah. joke lang Maam!!! thank you sa pag bisita!

To PPYs ate crissy, kuya alvin, kuya Jay r, Justine, Jm, kuya karl, ate madam nicole (lalo ka na Madam!), ate faye ( isasali pa ba kita dito? PPY ka din kasi hahaha) for always cheering me up w/ ur posts, comments, texts.

Some AYERA friends who extended their concern. Ninok!!!, Liyean, Muiii, Febri, Mouliza, Aga, , Diva, Punzrain, Penn (Thanks for the Tao ke noi na ka! i'm so excited to eat it na)

To my classmates who cared, and visited me, giselle, victoria, andrea, andrew, juvy, kim, bem2, Reyna, Sharmaine B., Jelai (thanks gid nay! bisan wala ka nag dugay gid. bal an ko man kinanglan mo mag puli hehe).

to 2nd year and first year polsci, Ivy, Mark, Dinese, Kaizer, kg iban, (sorry di ko ma remember ang name T.T. Don't worry i recognize you) that was a healthy discussion. Thanks for keeping me accompanied. mayo nalang tapos na ko blood transfusion pagkadto nio, kundi, digwa2 gid kamo tani while eating ice cream.

quincey! thank you ga. gin buking mo pa ko nga ga facebook. haha. pero thanksss

Pat, bisan ikaw may sakit man, thanks gid sa pag bisita. Thanks man kay nag offer ka matulog. I appreciate it. :)

To my cousin, jepoi. Thanks for checking up on me and always offering a helping hand.
To my Lola Ditdit, for supervising me get through this smoothly.

My parents, for the support and prayers from afar. I know how much they wanted to fly right away, but there was no need naman abi. It'll be a lot expensive and i don't want you to spend more. That's why I never tried to be weak during my whole hospital stay.

My friends who extended their worries and concern, honey, jhed, keveyn.

My other relatives who extended their help and concern in any way possible. I'm sorry for the great bother, this will never happened again. especially Ante ging2, uncle matoy, lola myrna, uncle totot.

Im am sorry if i missed to mention everyone.

But the one I will never forget to thank is God, who gave me these people around me. I am forever thankful to Him that my condition is not that worse.

I am truly indebted to everyone. I don't know how to sincerely thank everyone in person. I might cry, and i don't like that. So it's better to write everything down, that way, i feel better. I also don't know how to repay everyone, if i only could. All i can do is to thank you, and offer my help when you need me (as long as there is no conflict of interest) lol joke lang. kung sin o man da ma hospital, i hope there is no one, or in any way you need my help, i will be there. :)

Salamat gid, daghang salamat, maraming salamat, arigatogozaimasu, khob khun mak mak ka, danke, merci, muchas gracias, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Meet my Dad

My facebook timeline is flooded with pictures of everyone's father with messages of love and gratitude. I am not sweet towards my family but somehow I envy them. Somewhere deep inside also wanted to post something about my dad. I tried looking for pictures but i know we didn't have a picture together. I have pictures of his trip to Japan, but then I thought it would be unfair to post something because i didn't do anything special during Mothers' day. So, i thought my mother would get jealous. haha. So, I'd better do it in my blog - a more discreet approach.

This is my father, Jethel Kapunan or Dodoy. We call him Papang for short "Pang", not tatay, papa, dad, or daddy. My cousins call him Daddy, but not us. haha. He is a very strict Dad, generous to others but stingy to his family. But somehow i adore his generosity. He gives a lot especially to those who need it. We also get things, but sometimes i need to justify why I need a certain material.

He taught us how to be contented with simple life. A small house, inexpensive clothes, homecooked meals, and organic food. He is very stingy with material things but not with food. We always have good food. He always say, we don't need a high standard of living. We will always be simple. Though sometimes, i really would like to disagree. Not that I wanted living rich, but because I want to go out, expand, and not to remain stagnant. It is a good thing to be simple but sometimes, it is also good to grow and improve. Aim high!

Sometimes, my dad and i differ on ideologies, and with that, we argue. I got so many qualities from him. Some say, I exactly look like him or that i am his carbon-copy or a female version of Jethel. We are both really lazy in household chores but diligent in workplace/school. He taught me how to travel fearlessly and independently that is why i now got his "cowboy" style in terms of travelling. I can now basically go anywhere i want.

There are lots of things to say, about my father. And if i say everything, it will eventually take up your time. But I want you to be aware that i am so proud of my father - reliable, responsible, hardworking and generous (to others only).

P.S. To Papang: I may not be the best daughter, I may not reach your benchmark of expectation, I may give you a couple of headaches especially sakit sa bulsa but i assure you, everything i do is for you, Mamang, Mimi and Che Che. Someday i will repay your efforts and you will never have headaches and sighs anymore. 

And finally, Happy Fathers' Day!

Happy Fathers day to all fathers out there!

ASEAN Youth Exchange Program 2013

When they ask me, "how was Thailand?" I always answer, "It was very hot." I respond that short because I really don't wanna waste people's time. Seriously, nobody actually wants to listen. It's just for social interaction's sake. But deep inside, I wanted to say so many things about what happened. So if anyone wants to genuinely ask me how-was-Thailand, please prepare a chair, a hot coffee or tea, and listen to me ramble aimlessly without giving you the chance to talk. :)

ASEAN Youth Exchange Program was my first international exposure. I wasn't really interested in things like this before, and I didn't even know that things like this exist. hahaha

To give everyone an idea with what actually happened in this program, we had get together activities, ASEAN lectures, workshops, discussion groups and excursions to Chulalongkorn University, Siam Museum, Ayutthaya, and Arts of the Kingdom and Anantha Samakhom Throne Hall. Aside from programmed events, we also strolled and shopped at the Train market, night market at Siam Square, Siam Paragon, Terminal 21, MBK. Some went to Chatuchak and Pratunam, but i wasn't able to. Some also went to Patpong!!! I should've gone there too. I missed 1/4 of real Thailand experience. haha

Ever since I flew back and now trying to put myself back together and start my normal life, I've been missing everyone. I can even remember people's voice, and each time i read comments on facebook, I can actually hear them talking. I hope it remains this way, because I really don't want to forget.

I can also hear EDDY's voice saying:
PYs Two claps . . .
Track 1 up to track 7. . .
Give me your five. . .
My heart goes shalalala!
Tudududut!
4 powers
If your happy and you know it clap your hands!
and of course the song, Brunei and Cambodia, Indonesia and Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar. Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam.

I can also hear BINT and TOP (my teacher) singing Jaow ma jaow jam juk nam ning lai luk nuk tung kon jaow! (spelling credits to JARK and PANG)

and Thai's chicken dance, Kai yang took pao ... Kai yang took pao ... Man ja took mai siep ... Man ja took mai siep ... Siep tood sai ... Siep tood khaw ... Ron jing jing ... Ron jing jing ... Ron jing jing. (credits to PANG)

There are also some moments I will forever remember. :)
Like . . .

Sleeping at Suvarnabhumi Airport
(I was in sitting position while sleeping beside Alvin)

Get-to-know activities
 (I was shortest. So that's me being interviewed how does it feel to be cutest. :p)

Tours
Campus Tour - Chulalongkorn University

Wat Pho

Ayutthaya

Floating Market

Arts of the Kingdom and Ananta Samakhom Throne Hall

Side Trips
Terminal 21

At the subway station: Off to Train Market

Cheers and Yells
(Just look how we brought it ON! Funny faces.)

Lectures

Sleeping on Lectures

Workshops - Media and Photography
(I have a funny face here. haha)

Workshop Field work
w/ Group 3 :)

Discussion Groups - Reproductive Health
(We all looked so happy with our inflated condoms. haha)

Games

The fooood :)

Sunshine :)
Though my sunshine never revealed him/herself

Pretending to be a Chula student

ASEAN Cultural Night

Team Philippines

Dancing Binasuan with Jero

Click here to watch the whole video of the Cultural Presentation

And of course, Have fun

Be crazy

And make Philippines proud. hahaha

Even if I tell every bits and pieces of what happened and bore you to death for reading this post, no exact words can really describe how everyone bonded in this program. I also don't want to share everything, because it's something only the AYERA delegates have in common.

 (Seriously, I'm just too lazy to write every single thing).

AYERA delegates

Team Philippines w/ LOs Penn, James and Mui.

Photo credits to:
June W. Tri-yasakda
Faye Travilla
Alvin Faminial
Karl Abalajon
Jero Aligora