Dreading the Night

I woke up but was very much afraid to be noticed. So, I stayed on my bed, rolled over the sheets and came fumbling for my cell phone under my pillow.

I could hear my Dad and Mom’s mutterings behind my wall. I couldn’t make out what the chatter was all about, but I could hear the faint sound of my name. I eased myself toward the wall and sat on floor and leaned. The mutterings became much clearer and I was able to comprehend everything.

Yes, I was right. They were talking about me. About my college, the budget, the plane ticket and etcetera. I was rest assured, I’d be taking up college at Iloilo though. But, it’s not just that, I heard many more. The juice of our fight last night.

They also talked about my sisters’ education. My mom said, they’d be going to a public school next school year for budgeting purposes. We can’t afford sending the two of them in a private school anymore, for I would already be taking up college. They we’re blaming me for going in farther schools I guess, that was why, my sisters’ education were affected.

Then why not tell me in the first place? Why did you send me to Montessori Casa Precious Jewels and Sultan Kudarat State University and blame me for all my expenses afterwards? WHY? Why did you introduce West Visayas State University to me if you really don’t want me to be there? Why bring me up to Iloilo if you don’t trust i am capable of being alone? I have my mind and have my survival instincts. I won’t starve myself!

There are still a lot of things came churning up in my mind yet I’d rather not say it. What I’m telling you is just a small part of the whole thing. Very small fraction.

I pulled myself to feet, and lumbered back to my bed. I won’t cry anymore and I can’t. My eyesight was already blurry since I woke up at 7:30. Now’s five after ten. I dare not come out of my room. I didn’t have the face to show by then.

After several minutes, I came out. I started my day just fine. My dad wasn’t kettle hot so it went alright. Though there is a little distance between me and him, he still talks to me. As for me, I do not talk to him unless he talks first.

The day passed by and darkness draped the surroundings. We we’re having fun. My dad drinks Tanduay alone. Yet, the mood suddenly changed when we were about to eat. The dinner’s served and my dad (drunk) made his way to the table. I pecked on our viand and my sis raged up and scolded him. She slapped my dad’s hands. He then went out and sat outside, it was then we realized he got mad. That’s what happens every time he’s drunk. He goes emotional. I taunted my sister on what she has just done, and she went upstairs crying. I told her to apologize to Papang and invite him for supper. She didn’t, instead, Mamang just went up and cuddled and her. She also went outside and talked to my dad, it was then I heard everything up on the spotlight again though it was unclear.

A little moment later, he was on the table again. He kept on talking, though he addresses it for Mimi, I know, everything was for me. Maybe I was a little paranoid but I’m quite sure of it. It was the same issue again. He kept on ranting as if I wasn’t around. I gulped down the remaining food on my mouth and heaved my plate to the sink.

This is ridiculous! Does he have to be drunk to tell the world he hates her daughter? Why not talk to me when he was in the right state of mind?
This would make me love the day, and dread the night.